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PrintDueling motivation seminars
Kool & the Gang’s “Celebration” blared as the emcee exhorted the crowd to stand. Some raising of the roof was involved, and, in front of me, a middle-aged man in mom jeans tried to find the beat as hundreds of people in earnest casual (polo shirts and khakis) boogied down in broad daylight. The emcee then implored the crowd to scream: It was time to give away a Disney vacation!
Beach balls started to fly inside the giant tent in the parking lot of Cooper Stadium and my afternoon had just transcended into the surreal.
I was attending the Get Motivated! business seminar that featured speeches on “excellence,” “leadership” and, naturally, “motivation.” Just 16 days later, I would be commanded to Seize the Day at an eerily similar, but unaffiliated, session of speakers that, in a full-page Dispatch ad, promised “the perfect opportunity for any business or professional who wants to change it up, speed it up, or shake it up.”
The dueling seminars both advertised heavily in September, competing for unmotivated audiences interested in such things as “wealth building” and “productivity enhancement.” As a noninvesting, nonbusiness person who has never used the word “effort” as a verb, I was not the target demographic, which is probably why my editor asked me to go.
Both Get Motivated! and Seize the Day were all-day affairs, beginning at 8 am (but doors open at 6:45 am, so come early to get good seats!). Each featured a former NFL quarterback—Joe Montana for GM, Terry Bradshaw for Seize—and prominent Republicans—Gen. Colin Powell and Rudy Giuliani at GM, Laura Bush and Bill O’Reilly at Seize—as well as various business leaders.
Neither released a schedule of speakers (Seize personnel cited “security reasons”), so if you wanted to see the big names you had to sit through some no-names. I was not, let’s say, motivated to attend either all day. The people I heard were a grab bag. Gen. Powell was much more animated than I expected; it’s probably just as well I missed Bill O’Reilly.
Before attending Get Motivated!, I called about a ticket and the woman on the phone recommended I buy a workbook—cover price $20, but I could have it for only $4.99!—because the speakers like to refer to it as they talk. In the giant GM tent, the only reference I heard for it was from financial trader James Smith, who, among his many weird comments, called it a “stupid book” since he wasn’t in it. It did, however, feature essays from three dead people (Gerald Ford, Ed McMahon and Christopher Reeve), as well as nearly 40 mostly blank pages for note taking. It told me the seminar was a celebration of the American Dream: “It is an affirmation that America is great because America is good.”
When it came time to buy my Seize the Day ticket, I passed on the workbook.
Seize had the better venue (the Schottenstein Center; GM was split between Cooper Stadium and World Harvest Church). But GM benefited from hitting town first because it appeared to be the clear winner in attendance. Perhaps people were all motivated-out for the second event. Seize didn’t even fill the lower bowl of the Schott despite advertising at Cooper Stadium with, among other things, a plane flying a banner overhead.
Both, however, had fortysomething women in smart suits revving up the crowd between speakers. And each also had pointed soundtracks: “Living in America” introduced Powell and “Money” played at the end of a presentation by an investment speaker at Seize. Plus, Get Motivated! took a 3 pm break for a man to sing “God Bless America.” It’s a good thing the event was held in a tent because at that time I began to look for a wall to bang my head against.
After Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel, who appeared via satellite to explain how “success is a journey” (so the punt is not the most important play in life, after all), the biggest Get Motivated! name was Zig Ziglar, who is turning 84 in November. He used the same quip about his wife three times and his daughter helped guide him through his remarks.
Ziglar was followed by Smith, who apparently has some sort of finance credentials that were no clearer after he finished telling us we watch too much TV, the news is only bad and we shouldn’t hate anybody God made. He followed with: “If you just frowned at me, go home tonight and do the Kevorkian study program.”
His talk was full of harsh lines meant to be funny (“If you leave early, you’re going to be hit by a bus in the parking lot”) and the general financial advice to invest in real estate.
At Seize the Day, Phil Town led a talk touting his Rule #1 investor computer program that, he showed us, can help anyone play the stock market. At least he had a clear strategy, even if it costs $4,610 to get started.
Both money speeches finished the same way: Ushers with flashlights beckoned audience members to tables piled with clipboards to sign up for each man’s upcoming financial advice seminar in town.
It seemed as if the point of the seminars was to get us to attend more seminars. I was somewhat shocked each time when people bum rushed the tables. They all looked very motivated.
