Wedding season is halfway over and you're still standing. Congrats. Either you're extremely lucky or you've learned a few survival skills over the years.

Wedding season is halfway over and you're still standing. Congrats. Either you're extremely lucky or you've learned a few survival skills over the years.

But if it's the former, you can't expect to get by on your good looks and good fortune forever. Eventually your luck will run out. That's why I've prepared these useful tips for getting through your next wedding unscathed (or at least with nothing worse than a flesh wound).

Just don't expect to have fun. That's not your job. Your job as a wedding guest is to make the bride and groom feel appreciated by filling the church pews and populating the background of photos, and to otherwise remain unobtrusive. Just relax and try to make other people happy (like your wife). The fun can wait 'til football season.

Shut up and smile

No one cares that you're at their wedding. You're like an extra in a Cecil B. DeMille Technicolor extravaganza -- you're one of the cast of thousands, not Charlton Heston. So do everyone a favor and stay out of the spotlight. When engaging with the happy couple and their family, your comments should be limited to "Congratulations," "What a great ceremony," and/or "Wow, congrats on such a great ceremony." Save your quips for the ride home.

Order the chicken

The steak is terrible and the salmon smells suspiciously fishy. Remember, you're not here to savor the chef's tasting menu -- and you don't want to spend all night in the can.

Dance with your wife

The goal here is to fly under the radar and get back to your hotel room as quickly and painlessly as possible. Your wife may or may not be a coconspirator in your hasty escape, but she can certainly derail your plans. Don't let an invitation to hit the dance floor turn into a tiff about how much you hate the Chicken Dance -- sulking at the table alone will only draw more attention to you. Suck it up and dance.

Beware the open bar

There's something about weddings that makes the prospect of free booze especially tempting, even to (ostensible) adults who (ostensibly) know better. Maybe it's all the romance in the air that makes us feel like randy teens, or maybe it's just a convenient way to relieve the boredom. Whatever the cause, trouble is sure to follow. Note: Nothing is more excruciating than enduring a hangover all day Sunday when you have a seven-hour drive home. Just pace yourself at the bar.

Take frequent bathroom breaks

Assuming you made the right decision when ordering dinner (see above), these will be decoy pit stops. But excusing yourself to wash your hands is a great way to step away from the drudgery, and a few well-timed breaks will really make the night fly by. If the reception is in a hotel, all the better. You can take the long route to the gents -- via the lobby and the hotel bar. Just don't push it; figure you can get away with a 20-minute break about every 90 minutes.