The groom's guide to getting involved in wedding plans.
OK fellas, you picked out a ring and proposed. That was the easy part.
Now it's time to get involved in the delicate dance of wedding planning. This is make-or-break time, and an indicator of future husband-related skills. Your decision-making, attentiveness and grace under pressure are going to be on display for her to see.
“The groom should definitely have some involvement when it comes to planning the wedding,” says Jamie Rapavy of Columbus Bride & Groom. “This is the first party you are planning together, so you don't want to leave the bride alone through this process.”
Like marriage itself, the key is striking a balance. Let's look at what to take the lead on, what should be joint decisions and what should simply be up to your bride. Consider making a “his, hers and ours” list of planning duties as a first step.
The most important joint decisions are the date, the venue and the guest list. Depending on your tastes and dynamic as a couple, you also may want to consider working together to select a photographer, videographer and DJ or band (including important music selections).
You can help your wife-to-be further by tackling decisions on your attire and your groomsmen's attire, gifts and lodging. Help with creating a budget and negotiating with vendors if those are strong suits for you. You can also offer to arrange transportation from the ceremony to the reception (and to the airport, if you're jet-setting for a honeymoon getaway). The dinner menu and cake flavors might be joint ventures, but choosing the wine and bar menu is a great way for you to be involved. Take care of the honeymoon details, and don't forget a wedding gift for your wife. Want to really wow her (and make all her bridesmaids jealous)? Write a heartfelt letter and have it delivered to her as she's getting ready.
“My primary role wasn't decision-maker, but more of a sounding board,” says Alexander Toussant, who wed Paige (Young) Toussant on May 16, 2015. “I was able to decide what I wore, but that was a discussion for sure. There were tense moments, but realizing that this is a great party celebrating your friends and family and love, those moments fade away.”
There are certain things that your bride will probably want to choose on her own. Just go with it. The theme, colors, flowers, invitations, her dress and her bridesmaids' dresses are likely among the most important to her. But if you have strong opinions on any of these factors—maybe you can't stand the thought of your groomsmen in pastel pink ties or you've had it up to here with Mason jars—be sure to speak up. “The groom should be present and always available, but less opinionated than in real life,” advises Toussant.