It was reported recently that an Australian woman collapsed and was forced to crawl to seek help after her skinny jeans cut off the blood supply to her calf muscles. She was hospitalized and had to be cut from her jeans.

It was reported recently that an Australian woman collapsed and was forced to crawl to seek help after her skinny jeans cut off the blood supply to her calf muscles. She was hospitalized and had to be cut from her jeans.

This crazy story reminds me of two of my own fashion faux pas

For one, I know what its like to be cut out of my clothes. I once had to be cut out of a cocktail dress at Ann Taylor. I honestly dont know what happened. I got the thing on, then I couldnt get it off. I guess when I panic I swell, because the more I panicked the tighter it got, and I had to call for help.

The sales lady was very accommodating as she used a giant pair of shears to slice all the way up the side of the dress, while I explored a theory of some sort of chemical reaction whereby a garment shrinks when met with perspiration, heat and cardiac arrest. It happens, she said. I guess so. They didnt make me pay for the dress.

The second story is my own trouser trauma. Pre-marriage and living in L.A., I was quickly dressing for a date and pulled on the skinny jeans Id worn the night before. It wasnt until I got into his car that I realized that I had brought along the undergarment I also had worn the night before snugly lodged inside my skinny jeans against my calf.

(Note: Its humanly impossible to pull underwear out of skinny jeans while seated in the passenger side of a compact vehicle without the driver noticing.)

I was pretty sure wherever we were going, Id be able to scoot from the parking lot to the ladies room and still keep my panties in a wad. Unfortunately, we arrived at Universal CityWalk Hollywood a three-block entertainment, dining, and shopping promenade where we would walk the distance to the amphitheater to see Tears for Fears.

Ironically tearful and fearful myself, I embarked on a walk of shame, where at around the second block, my underwear made its way down around my ankle and with one quick shake, I shot them out parting a thousand screaming people behind me like the Red Sea.

Anyway, Im surprised we dont see more skinny jeans injuries like the one involving the Australian woman. With so many of us running around in binding britches, Id think wed be seeing women lying around everywhere, crawling and begging for help.

In fact, what a great plot for a horror film Hallowjean, about a vicious line of skinny jeans that literally squeezes the life out of unsuspecting fashion femmes, opening this Fashion Week.

Regardless, Ive learned my lesson on all counts. Im just buying the next size up.

Tracy Lee Curtis is a humorist, writer and speaker. She writes family humor for the Charlotte Observer.

Email: tcurtis@charlotteobserver.com

On Twitter: @TracyLeeCurtis1

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tracy.e.curtis.5

Website: www.tracyleecurtis.com

2015 The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.)

Visit The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.) at www.charlotteobserver.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

TO SUBSCRIBE TO MOMS

This column/content is for subscribers only. It is sold separately and is not included in your Tribune News Service subscription. To subscribe, please contact Rick DeChantal at Tribune Content Agency, (866) 280-5210 or rdechantal@tribpub.com, or you can purchase individual columns a la carte at www.tribunenewsservice.com.