All the hullaballoo surrounding this year's mayoral race got us thinking about some other potential (however unlikely) candidates. Here's an entirely fabricated rundown of the contenders.

All the hullaballoo surrounding this year's mayoral race got us thinking about some other potential (however unlikely) candidates. Here's an entirely fabricated rundown of the contenders.

Jack Hanna

Platform: Conservation, animal rights and zoo levies
Slogan: "Jungle Jack Has Your Back"
Running mate: Colo, the oldest gorilla in captivity in the world
Campaign theme song: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Election event swag: Safari hats
Kryptonite: Failing zoo levies

Cameron Mitchell

Platform: Tax abatements for small businesses and startups
Slogan: "People First"
Running mate: Fellow restaurateur Liz Lessner, until she left town
Campaign theme song: "New York State of Mind"
Election event swag: Buttons that read "Yes Man"
Kryptonite: Momofuku Milk Bar's Crack Pie

Byron Stripling

Platform: More funding for music programs in schools
Slogan: "Let's Make Music, You Dig?"
Running mate: Columbus Jazz Orchestra pianist Bobby Floyd
Campaign theme song: "When the Saints Go Marchin' In"
Election event swag: Recording of Stripling's tribute to Louis Armstrong
Kryptonite: Fear of carpal tunnel syndrome

Jeni Britton Bauer

Platform: Increase taxes on food that isn't locally grown or sustainably sourced, donate money to end world hunger
Slogan: "We're Making the World a Better Place"
Running mate: Jeni's CEO John Lowe
Campaign theme song: "Imagine"
Election event swag: Free scoops of Salty Caramel
Kryptonite: Listeria (too soon?)

Urban Meyer

Platform: Recruitment (preferably of athletes who don't come to Ohio State "to play school")
Slogan: "Your Undisputed Mayor"
Running mate: Braxton Miller, J.T. Barrett and Cardale Jones
Campaign theme song: "Hang on Sloopy"
Election event swag: Buckeye necklaces
Kryptonite: NCAA investigations