How would you ring in 2019 if you had unlimited funds?

Contrary to blasphemous ball-drop boo-hooers, I’m of the opinion that just one New Year’s Eve celebration is hardly enough. Glitter, Champagne, raucous numerical chants—what more could you want?

But even the greatest party-hopping aficionados (yes, I sometimes believe I rank among them) face a dilemma with New Year’s Eve: No matter how many parties you go to, you can only be in one place at the crucial moment the clock turns. Or so my economically limited mind was once led to believe.

The question was recently posed to me: How would I celebrate New Year’s Eve if I had all the money in the world? The answer, I realized, is easy. I would take a no-expense-spared, international trip that would go a little like the following:

A few close friends and I would begin in the Chatham Islands of New Zealand, where the time is nearly 19 hours ahead of Columbus. On Dec. 31 at approximately 11:50 p.m., we would be sitting outside, near the runway, enjoying the scenery. By 11:59 p.m., we would be buckled into my Cessna Citation X+—a personal jet with a top speed of roughly 607 mph, costing a mere $23 million—with glasses of expensive Champagne at the ready. As the clock turns to midnight, we would toast. Then the private pilot would fly us away.

Celebration No. 2 would occur in the beach town of St. George Island, Florida. We would fly into Apalachicola Regional Airport after a quick stop at LAX for refueling. Per my calculations, we should arrive in Florida at approximately 6 p.m. Stepping off our plane, my friends and I would waltz into the handful of McLaren P1 LMs that would be awaiting us. After enjoying the beach on St. Joseph Bay, we would head to Port St. Joe, where we would celebrate another clock turning at The Thirsty Goat. 

But no, the party would not be over yet. After enjoying the festivities briefly, we would cruise up to Panama City—and back into 2018. Port St. Joe and Panama City are in different time zones. So, at the Beach Ball Drop festivities argued to rival Times Square’s, my friends and I would celebrate New Year’s Eve for the third time.

And this is my ultimate New Year’s Eve party-hopping extravaganza. So—shall I start a GoFundMe?

To read the rest of our New Year’s Eve package, pick up a copy of Columbus Monthly’s December issue at these locations.


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