50 reasons you should attend 50 First Jokes
50. Because kicking off the New Year with a laugh beats the usual full-body cry.
49. Because it’ll give you a snapshot of the voices/faces that will help shape the year in Ohio comedy.
48. Because it’s the perfect night out for anyone with a short attention span, which is almost everyone nowadays (thanks, smartphone technology).
47. Because Erik Tait.
46. Because it’s 46 degrees and rainy on Jan. 1 and maybe the jokes will take your mind off the growing catastrophe that is global warming.
45. Because even if only one-quarter of the jokes land you’ll still laugh 12.5 times.
44. Because that number will rise to 16.666666 times if one-third of the jokes hit the mark.
43. Because oh, god, I’ve still got 42 more of these to go.
42. Because “Troy,” the “American Tail” films and “Love & Basketball” are no longer streamable on Netflix as of Jan. 1, 2020.
41. Because comics are visiting from Akron, Cincinnati and Toledo, and you could hear region-specific jokes about rubber and/or the Black Keys, chili-covered spaghetti and, uh, geographical proximity to Detroit, respectively.
40. Because you’ve had enough family time over the holidays.
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39. Because it’s OK if the tree stays up one more day.
38. Because that resolution can wait one more day.
37. Because tickets are still only $10 right now (rising to $15 at the door).
35. Because it’s unlikely he’ll be accompanied by dead, frozen raccoons in infant pajamas.
34. Because laughter is the best hangover cure.*
33. Because number 33 is always a good time to link to one of the greatest to ever do it.
32. Because baby sitters are more readily available on New Year’s Day than on New Year’s Eve.
31. Because everyone else is doing it.
30. Because I said so.**
29. Because 2020 is a presidential election year and there will be plenty of time for despair in later months.
28. Because the list of potential first joke topics that Dave Burkey solicited on Facebook include 1980s hair metal, flossing, truckers, baths and Sonic the Hedgehog.
27. Because it’s flu season and laughter is the best medicine.***
26. Because “The Good Place” doesn’t return to TV until Jan. 9.
25. Because this year is going to be different.
24. Because the event doesn’t require you staying awake until midnight.
23. Because if you’re not tired of lists after reading this we have a slew of them for you to revisit.
21. Because traffic to Downtown will never be lighter in 2020.
20. Because ODOT will make sure of it.
19. Because it beats re-watching “50 First Dates.”
18. Because what was I thinking when I hit on this concept for the show preview.
17. Because 50 is a much larger number than I realized.
15. Because you’re not getting any younger.
14. Because you’ve also never looked better.
13. Because 2020 is the Year of the Rat (beginning on Jan. 25).
12. Because that makes us think of this song.
11. Because you’ve still never eaten at the Walrus and the kitchen will be open during the show.
10. Because there’s a reason countdowns usually start at 10.
8. Because the first time is usually the best.
7. Because you need to pull yourself away from revisiting the most-visited Alive stories of 2019.
6. Because the new Drive-By Truckers album (The Unraveling) doesn’t drop until Jan. 31.
5. Because it was obvious from the jump that this was a hoax.
4. Because this is the year we’re finally getting off Facebook. Just not today.
3. Because “3 Is a Magic Number.”
2. Because after this countdown hits 1 you don’t have to worry about not having anyone to kiss.
1. Because in addition to the aforementioned you can also hear jokes from AS Green, Gary Sheriff, Leslie Battle, Cecil Heyman, Ian Miller, Dan Loper, Joel Good, Ella Hickman, Nick Glaser, Dan Sebree, Alexis Nelson, Matt Kopache, Luke Swisher, Chris Fenner, Olivia Smith, Bettina Hedwig, Sean Somerville, Angie Healey, Becky Brown, Jon Ruggiero, Sam Welch, Jeff Burgstrom, Bridget Denman, Peter Brieck, Cortney Taylor, Jameson Rogers, Walta Yoseph, Wayne Memmott, Georgia Loper, Johnny Philips, Andy Luttrell, Bianca Moore, Garrett Snipes, Bobbie Dodds, Jackie Shreves, Ty Brunetti, Natalie Burkey, Molly Hartzell, Mike Dennis, Amanda Adams, Chris Clem, Ray Roberts
*Not medically accurate
**Said in the voice of your mom and/or dad
***Again, not medically accurate
7 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 1
143 E. Main St., Downtown