The List: Ranking the weather

Andy Downing
Stormy Daniels

Adult star Stormy Daniels — she of the alleged affair with President Donald Trump — is in the midst of a nationwide tour that swings into Sirens for a two-night stand. (The second and final pair of shows take place on Thursday, July 12.) But since we're tired of making lists centered on the president, this time around we thought we'd rank our favorite and least favorite types of weather, from stormy to sunny and everything in between.

10,983. 95 degrees with 80 percent humidity

Columbus gets a nice dose of this June through September. How do you deal year-round, Florida? This is my idea of hell.

1,071. Tornadoes

Still better than the average summer day.

1,001. Freezing rain

Hell to walk in, somehow worse to drive in.

888. Early winter rainstorms where the wind blows the rain sideways and everything feels gross and oh God am I freezing

Just get me some dry clothes and set me by a roaring fire, please.

199. Violent thunderstorms

Beautiful to watch from the safety of a back porch, but absolute hell on basements. These would have ranked significantly higher before I was a homeowner and familiar with the word “sump pump.”

81. Cloudy with a chance of meatballs

I shouldn't try to write these so close to lunch.

11. Spring weather

This would certainly rank higher if it actually existed, but saying spring is your favorite season is like saying a unicorn is your favorite animal. In Columbus, it takes roughly 36 hours to go from frost to blistering heat. Thanks, climate change!

7. The 20 minutes of summer where it drops below 80 degrees following the daily violent thunderstorm

This is absolute bliss. Walk the dog. Go for a run. But not too far, because that humidity is going to start climbing once you're 10 to 15 minutes in. But don't fret! Soon enough it'll storm again!

3. 40-degree days

Eat it, Stringer Bell. Sure, the “Wire” character is famous for saying there's nothing memorable about a 40-degree day, but that's what's so great about them! Wrap up in a blanket! Wear a fuzzy sweater! You won't freeze. You won't sweat. There's not much better.

2. Late summer nights after the sun goes down and you can feel that early-fall crispness in the air

Also known as hoodie weather, which is the ideal state of being.

1. The average fall day

Sorry, summer stans, but fall is easily the best season. The only shame is nowadays it lasts for roughly six days beginning in late October/early November.