The List: Ranking the flavors of LaCroix

Andy Downing
Photo courtesy of Thinkstock

Local fuzz-rock act Fizzed has a new record out this week (see Joel Oliphint's interview here). With that in mind, Alive thought it'd rank the flavors of this particular writer's favorite fizzy beverage.

N/A: Key Lime, Peach Pear and Passionfruit

I don't feel comfortable slotting any of these, having never sampled this trio.

18. Pure

Every LaCroix joke or meme you've encountered online (it tastes like television static, etc.) can be readily applied to this flavor-absent variety, which exists as the humorless friend at the party.

17. LaCola

I'd almost rather drink Pepsi. *shudders*

16. Coconut

The equivalent of fermented suntan lotion in a can.

15. Berry

Now we're getting into the palatable realm.

14. Mango

Weirdly, I like Mango LaCroix more than I like actual mangos.

13. Orange

Orange is the first flavor I ever tried, and it was a longtime staple in our fridge, which might be why I've soured on it as of late.

12. Lime

Usually makes me wish I was drinking Lemon.

11. Kiwi Sandia

I'm tempted to rank this higher. As a rule, the tall, slim cans that arrive in eight-pack boxes taste better than the standard flavors available canned in 12-pack boxes, but the kiwi watermelon variety falls short by not tasting enough like either fruit.

10. Apricot

I thought I would hate this one going in, but almost more than any other flavor the Apricot LaCroix captures the essence of its namesake fruit.

9. Cran-Raspberry

The best flavor for transitioning from summer (raspberries) to fall (does anyone associate cranberries with anything but Thanksgiving?).

8. Pomme Baya

Pomme Baya, or apple berry, is another of the slim-canned “specialty flavors,” with a welcome apple tartness that I appreciate.

7. Melon Pomelo

Generally, cantaloupe is a garbage fruit (except on that rare occasion when you choose a perfectly ripe one, which is roughly every sixth time), but it pairs perfectly with the pink grapefruit in this standout.

6. Tangerine

*cues Led Zeppelin*

5. Lemon

Tart, citrusy and refreshing. And it can be spiked with any number of spirits.

4. Pamplemousse

This grapefruit variety is hands-down best of the “regular,” 12-pack flavors, though the name is a little too close to the band Pomplamoose for my comfort level. Remember those guys? Awful.

3. Cerise Limon

Cerise Limon, or cherry lime, would benefit slightly with a flavor boost from the former. Still, it's pretty great.

2. Pina Fraise

Pineapple strawberry would be the most refreshing flavor of LaCroix were it not for…

1. Mure Pepino

And here we go. Mure Pepino, or blackberry cucumber, tops our list largely due to the inclusion of cucumber, which has a way of making any beverage taste better. (Why do you think fancy hotels and sports clubs always have sliced cucumber floating in their public water jugs?)