The List: Five ways you can tell it's football season in Columbus

Andy Downing
Drum major Konner Barr leads the Ohio State marching band onto the field before the game between Ohio State and Florida Atlantic at Ohio Stadium on Saturday, Aug. 31, 2019.

This weekend, Columbus expats the Huntertones will guest alongside Ohio State University’s marching band, playing one of its songs during a tribute to Ohio musicians. (The Huntertones will also headline a concert at the Athenaeum Theater on Thursday, Sept. 12.)

With the new season underway, we thought we’d list a handful of the ways locals can tell that college football has returned.

Sign up for *THE* Alive newsletter: Click here to join

You start to read more stories about OSU trademark enforcement

Ohio State really does want to have its cake and eat it, too, according to a recent Dispatch item in which it was reported that commercial bakers can’t decorate cookies and cakes with Block Os and the like without first paying a licensing fee for approved images (which, we imagine, wouldn’t include Brutus peeing on a blue and gold M, for instance). This follows word that Ohio State applied to trademark the t** in T** Ohio State University. (We’re not typing the word here, either. Sue us.)

You can re-enact post-apocalyptic films at the grocery store

I randomly went shopping early afternoon last Saturday and was reminded how glorious it can be to buy groceries during Buckeye games. It felt like there were only three of us pushing carts through the abandoned aisles, eyes wide with fear and wonder at this new world we alone occupied.

Campus becomes even more of a clusterf*ck

Navigating campus is always a challenge these days, with construction along the High Street corridor closing multiple streets, often at what feels like random. This is magnified on game days, when red-clad (pardon, scarlet-clad) residents and out-of-town guests flock to campus-area bars. C’mon, folks, I’m just trying to grab some quick pork and leek dumplings from Chinese Beef Noodle Soup.

For a few months people forget how corrupt the NCAA is as an organization, and the damage football inflicts on those who play the sport

The fact that NCAA players, particularly at the level of those playing for Ohio State, are unpaid remains a total farce (and don’t give me that “DURP BUT THEY GET FREE COLLEGE” nonsense, either). Colleges rake in massive sums of money on the backs of these “amateurs,” which goes into building increasingly obscene football facilities and paying coaches the kind of money normally reserved for the types of bankers and investors who repeatedly threaten to crash world economies to make a few extra bucks. Beyond that, football is a game that does untold damage to its participants, as studies have increasingly revealed, which is why you’re seeing even top pros like Andrew Luck walk away from the game while they’re still able. Of course, these concerns are generally muted for a few months of Saturdays beneath the building chorus of O-H, I-O chants.

A large portion of Columbus pretends it enjoys “Hang on Sloopy” for yet another year

You really don’t, I bet, if you look deep inside of yourself.