The List: Guessing how Columbus businesses will mark St. Patrick’s Day

From re-rebranded ‘unicorn sauce’ to carbon copy offerings from a pair of taco clones

Andy Downing
Columbus Alive
Green beer

If there’s something businesses love, it’s developing holiday-themed tie-ins that can (a) pull in crowds and (b) potentially boost the bottom line. With St. Patrick’s Day landing on Thursday, March 17, we’re taking guesses on the ways a handful of local businesses could attempt to woo those green-clad, not-actually-Irish “Kiss Me I’m Irish” revelers.

Mikey’s Late Night Slice 

Two words: shillelagh sauce.

Standard Hall

A dress code banning “baggy green clothing, buckled boots, flat-brimmed top hats and/or excessive pots of golden jewelry.”

Donatos Pizza

Rolling out shamrock-shaped pies one hopes will be more visually appealing than Little Caesars’ “Batman” monstrosity.

Condado Tacos

Green-shelled tacos (but, like, totally different from Barrio).

Columbus Division of Police helicopter unit

Slowly spelling out “We want to wish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day and please don’t drink and drive” in a low-flying chopper above low-income neighborhoods in the middle of the night.

Cameron Mitchell Restaurants

Announcing a new Irish pub concept, O’Mitchell’s, which will be located somewhere in the Short North, probably in the former site of a late, beloved local business.

Intel

Releasing a line of “Kiss me, I’m Intel” gear paid for with Ohio tax abatements.

Preston’s: A Burger Joint

St. (Smash) Paddy’s, anyone?

Studio 35

Hosting a St. Patrick’s Day bike parade. (Too soon?)

Barrio Tacos

Green-shelled tacos (but, like, totally different from Condado).

Skully’s

Introducing the Leprechaun’s ’80s dance party.

Dublin Chamber of Commerce

Launching a $50 million campaign to erect billboards in Ireland proclaiming Ohio as “the home of the one true Dublin.”

Savor Growl

Absconding with all of the Irish beers stocked by other local shops. (The Bell’s rep has been notified.)

City Hall

Launching a series of focus groups designed to finalize a list of finalists for the best ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.