Headliners: Clipse at BoMA

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

Clipse's claim to fame - even if the duo isn't nearly as famous as they ought to be - is their ability to rap about selling drugs more poetically, humorously and downright brilliantly than any previous emcee.

The duo's Dickensian literary prowess is almost as vast as the alleged criminal exploits they detail. Nobody chronicles cooking up some crack, slinging it on the street and spending the spoils with more gusto than Malice and Pusha T.

A big part of the Thornton brothers' shtick is their insistence that this is their real life, that even with a sizable cult audience and loads of critical acclaim, they're still in the drug game. As Pusha put it on "We Got It For Cheap (Intro)," they went "from crack to rap back to selling it pure."

With Clipse set to perform at BoMA next Thursday, I thought it appropriate to have a quick look at their self-proclaimed criminal activities to see what kind of sentence they would rack up in their home state of Virginia.

Between three LPs and countless mixtapes and guest spots, there's a wealth of information to work with, so I limited my scope to lyrics from their 2006 instant classic, "Hell Hath No Fury."

"Flow chameleon, worth 'bout a million/ Sell Bolivian, Feds in oblivion"

The crime: Cocaine trafficking, 5 kgs or more mixture

The time: 10 years to life

"Open the Frigidaire, 25 to life in here/ So much white you might think your Holy Christ is near"

The crime: Possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute

The time: 5-40 years on first offense; for second offense, up to life sentence

"Keep guns stashed under the floorboards/ Enough to start world war"

The crime: Possession of firearms while in possession of certain controlled substances

The time: Mandatory minimum 5 years

"Me hesitate none pop ya"

The crime: Threats of death or bodily injury to a person or member of his family

The time: 1-5 years and a fine of up to $2,500

"I'm at your door/ Your eyes are like "Why are you here?"/ Judging by my steel I've got something to do here"

The crime: Burglary; entry with intent to commit a crime therein

The time: 1-10 years

"Give up the money or the angel cries two tears/ Front of your crib sounding like Chinese New Years"

The crime: Discharging firearms or missiles within or at building or dwelling house

The time: 2-10 years and a fine of up to $100,000

"Make n----- kick the can/ Fall victim to the klick klack klan"

The crime: Murder in the first degree

The time: 20 years to life and a fine of up to $100,000

Sources: Code of Virginia, U.S. Code

When: 9 p.m. Thursday, April 22

Where: BoMA, Downtown

Web: clipseonline.com