The List: The essential Weird Al mixtape

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

"Weird Al" Yankovic is one of the most brilliant artists of our lifetime.Alive somehow knew I'm a huge fan, so they made me listen to his entire discography 27 times this week to write this list of essential Weird Al songs.

10. "Trapped in the Drive-Thru" (Straight Outta Lynwood)

This parody of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" is an 11-minute opus about a couple trying to decide where to have dinner, only to wind up, you know, trapped in the drive-thru. It's almost as ridiculous as R. Kelly's original. Almost.

9."Living with a Hernia" (Polka Party!)

This is a parody of James Brown's 1985 hit "Living in America," and it's about all the different types of hernias you can get. Very educational!

8. "You Make Me" (Even Worse)

This song is basically a list of things Al is made to do by his antagonist.These include (but are not limited to) taking his hamster to the beach, hiding a weasel in his shorts and stapling bagels to his face.

7. "Nature Trail to Hell" ("Weird Al" Yankovic in 3-D)

Al describes in detail the plot of a very gory 3-D horror flick about a "homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop." It even has a hidden backwards Satanic message in it ("Satan eats Cheez Whiz")!

6. "One More Minute" (Dare to Be Stupid)

This tearjerker is an original '50s doo-wop tale of love lost. "I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork than watch you going out with other men." It kinda punches you right in the heart, doesn't it?

5. "Bohemian Polka" (Alapalooza)

In 1993, Al did a cover of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" ... as a polka. It's awesome.Trust me.

4. "Theme from Rocky XIII" ("Weird Al" Yankovic in 3-D)

Parody of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" depicting Rocky Balboa quitting boxing, opening a deli and offering up various meat combinations that would go well on "the Rye or the Kaiser."

3. "My Bologna" (self-titled)

This parody of the Knack's "My Sharona" is literally a song about how much Al loves bologna.It's great.

2. "I Love Rocky Road" (self-titled)

This parody of Joan Jett's "I Love Rock and Roll" is about Al's love for ice cream, specifically the Rocky Road variety.On Al's early albums, sometimes he would make little fart noises with his hands and use them as percussion.Said fart noises are featured prominently on this track!

1. "Dare To Be Stupid" (Dare to Be Stupid)

This is a Devo pastiche that borrows so much stylistically from Devo that Mark Mothersbaugh wrote Al and told him he was jealous that he nailed the Devo sound better than Devo ever did.Lyrically, the song is an onslaught of terrible advice ranging from burning candles at both ends to looking gift horses in the mouth, thus daring the listener to be stupid.