The List: Ranking Jacksons

Andy Downing

With Janet Jackson set to visit the Schottenstein Center for a concert on Tuesday, Nov. 28, we thought we'd take a stab at ranking Jacksons. Here's where they landed.

Unranked: Andrew Jackson (the historical figure)

As President, Jackson levied his authoritarian power against nonwhites. (Unrelated: Does anyone know where the phrase “history repeats itself” originated?)

13. Jackson Galaxy

You know, the cat whisperer with the facial hair like a “Fifth Element” extra.

12. Jackson Pollock

I, too, can spill paint.

11. Jackson Browne

A better songwriter than you remember, but not as good asRolling Stone has led readers to believe.

10. Phil Jackson

As a Celtics fan, I begrudgingly credit him for his coaching run with the Lakers, but not nearly as much as I enjoy laughing at the “organization building” he engineered for the still-recovering New York Knicks.

9. Jesse Jackson

True story: I was once seated next to the Civil Rights icon for an Aretha Franklin concert I reviewed at the House of Blues in Chicago. He yelled, “Go Reeth!” a lot, and made me feel horribly underdressed, since he was in a three-piece suit and I wore a ratty hooded sweatshirt.

8. Peter Jackson

Would rank higher if “Director's Cut” didn't translate to “70 minutes too long.”

7. “Shoeless” Joe Jackson

If he really did throw the World Series, it's still a less-egregious crime than inspiring the drippy “Field of Dreams.”

6. Samuel L. Jackson

Creating imaginary, expletive-filled dialogue for all of his big-screen appearances is still one of the small joys in life.

5. Michael Jackson

Unimpeachable as a singer and songwriter, with an offstage history that, in the least, throws up serious caution flags.

4. Andrew Jackson (the $20 bill)

He might have been a garbage human being, but money is still awesome.

3. Mahalia Jackson

Search out a clip of Jackson singing “Amazing Grace” and prepare to be devastated.

2. Wanda Jackson

The Queen of Rockabilly is still going strong at age 80. (For proof, check out the greatThe Party Ain't Over, which she released in 2011 at the youthful age of 74.)

1. Janet Jackson

My first name ain't baby, it's Janet — Miss Jackson if you're nasty.