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Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

In the past couple of weeks, questions have been raised about abuse-of-power scandals in Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's administration, lack of experience, family strife, extreme secessionist and religious viewpoints. How did the VP nominee address them during her acceptance speech at last week's Republican National Convention?

"You know, they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?"

I love this woman! She's folksy.

Alright, the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull - let me figure this out, because I like riddles. One is unfairly maligned despite evidence showing they're no worse than any other dogs, while the other is an artificial demographic no better or worse than any other kind of mom?

Nope: "Lipstick."

Her answer was much funnier.

And it turns out Palin's got something more valuable than foreign-policy experience: Wikipedia.

"To confront the threat that Iran might seek to cut off nearly a fifth of the world's energy supplies, or that terrorists might strike again at the Abqaiq facility in Saudi Arabia, or Venezuela might shut off its oil discoveries ..." Palin said.

Or that Yemen, a republic on the Arabian peninsula with a bicameral legislature comprising of a 301-seat house of representatives ... I can read all day people.

OK, she's proven herself. But after eight years of this administration, is she really dickish enough to be vice president? Let's take a look at some of her many attacks on Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama.

"The American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery," Palin said. "When the stadium lights go out and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot ... what does he actually seek to accomplish after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet?"

And somewhere, in a cryogenic bunker 500 feet beneath a D.C. Popeyes franchise, Dick Cheney is feeling what humans call "pleasure."

Now, obviously, Obama is running on the idea of change. What would Republicans run on to counter that?

Mitt Romney: "We have a prescription for every American who wants change."

Palin: "Our nominee doesn't run with the Washington herd."

So for the Americans who believe this country has been on the wrong track for the past eight years - I'm looking at you, 80 percent of you - you're right! It's just you've mistakenly put the blame for that at the foot of the "government" that was "in charge." You won't believe whose fault it's actually been.

Here's a rundown of who the Republicans blame: Liberal Washington, the do-nothing Senate, the elite media, reporters and commentators, Hollywood celebrities, European ideas, San Francisco.

But they saved their most biting invective for the most corrosive element of American society: community organizers.

"This world of threats and dangers, it's not just a community, and it doesn't just need an organizer," Palin started, later comparing Obama's former work to her own record. "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities."

Yeah! So to everyone out there trying to make a difference in your communities, you know what you are? You're a thousand points of BS, that's what you are.

By the way, if it seems odd the Republican Party was denigrating community service the night after making "Service" their slogan, you're confused. Those Republicans were not praising service with their signs, they were demanding it from the wait staff.

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