Sen. McCain goes to Washington

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

Oh, I'm sorry, that was actually the announcement he made two weeks ago, when the Dow plunged 500 points.

I believe this was his actual announcement: "The chairman of the SEC serves at the appointment of the president, and in my view has betrayed the public trust. If I were president today, I would fire him."

Whoops, no, that was the announcement he made a few days into the crisis. You remember, where his economic fix was to fire someone that the president doesn't have the power to fire. It's a solid plan.

Can a brother get a devastating and dramatic announcement?

"Tomorrow morning, I'll suspend my campaign and return to Washington until we have taken action to address this crisis," the candidate declared on Wednesday.

Yes! A solution cannot be found without him! John McCain -- the only man who can impulsively overreact to something 10 days old.

Now, Barack Obama vowed to continue his campaign and rejected calls to delay the first presidential debate, but how did McCain's decision play with those who really matter -- the American pundits?

Here was the reaction on CNN: "For a race that could not get any more surreal, it suddenly reached a whole other level today I think the country sees this as sort of odd, really, as strange an Alice in Wonderland event a crazier thing I have never heard."

And I have heard some crazy stuff. I once heard a man with no arms wrestle a wolverine. I've seen Larry King naked. But this, this is weird.

But those people work for a news organization. What did Fox News think? "Political brinkmanship at the highest levels, this is absolutely great stuff what McCain did today was an ingenious move it's a chess game at the highest possible level."

It's like Hungry Hungry Hippos, but with real hippos! And they're eating poor people!

And so it was that on Wednesday afternoon, McCain suspended his campaign, blew off his interview with David Letterman and rushed back to a different CBS building for an interview with Katie Couric.

But then he left, to rush back to a delicious dinner in New York. But then! He rushed back to a New York hotel for a good night's sleep. But then! He rushed off to another hotel, also in New York, where he gave a speech to the Clinton Global Initiative. And then! Because of the grave condition of this situation, McCain returned for a possible Senate vote for the first time since April 6.

And as his plane landed in Washington D.C., a mere 22 hours after his initial New York announcement -- I mean, for God's sake, you could've walked there in that time! -- this announcement greeted him at baggage claim: "Republicans and Democrats have reached a fundamental agreement on a rescue plan for Wall Street."


And we all know that since then, the original plan fell apart. So, in between them accepting the deal and it falling apart, Sen. McCain came back to Washington.

To sum up, the net effect of McCain suspending his presidential campaign? Angering David Letterman.

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