Peer pressures

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

Last Friday, Barack Obama held a press conference to lay out some of the specifics of his economic stimulus plan. Thus, he became the first African-American president-elect to hold a press conference laying out the specifics of his economic stimulus plan.

What I'm saying is that he's going to break a lot of records, but he still has a lot to learn about being president.

When Obama was asked at the press conference about Republican critics of his economic plan, like Paul Krugman, he responded, "There are some people that have said [the economic plan] is not big enough and there are others who have said it is too big. As I have said before, Democrats or Republicans, we welcome good ideas."

No! First of all, this reporter should be dismissed and Obama should be contemptuous of him. He is beneath you. Second of all, only your plan has merit.

Instead, Obama responded, "I want this plan to work. This is not an intellectual exercise and there is no pride of authorship. If members of Congress have good ideas ... if Paul Krugman has a good idea ... then we are going to do it."

Paul Krugman? The pedophile groundskeeper I used to buy drugs from in college? Why would you listen to ideas from that guy - he's crazy.

Oh, I'm sorry - he's a Nobel Prize-winning economist. Well, he certainly has come a long way.

Come on, that is not how a newly elected president sounds. They sound like this:

"When you win there is a feeling that the people have spoken and embraced your point of view. I earned capital in the campaign, political capital, and now I intend to spend it. It is my style," President Bush said on Nov. 4, 2004.

It's his style - full-bodied confidence with just a little hint of dickishness.

Look, Obama, you've got to diminish the fourth estate from the start. And not just with your answers, but also with the mechanics of the press conference. The way you call on reporters must seek to belittle and demean them.

What are you doing calling on reporters by using their full names and affiliations? What are they, professionals of equal standing?

Let President Bush show how it's done by using humiliating nicknames like Stretch, Super Stretch, Action Jackson, Hutch, Poncho, Dancer, Dancing Man and/or Little Stretch.

Nicknames! Nicknames are a phenomenal way to turn professional journalists into Sweathogs in Mr. Kotter's classroom. Great Iraq question, Chubsy-Ubsy.

What are you doing calling on Hans Nichols from Bloomberg by his appropriate name?

Hans Nichols - you can't come up with a nickname for that?! For God's sake, clearly you could use Stretch as an option here, or Han Solo, or even Snicklefritz. This guy is like nine years old, how about Doogie Hanser, Wonder Years or Peach Fuzz? Maybe something like Prom Night or Last American Virgin.

But Obama didn't do that, so now we have to take Hans Nichols' question seriously.

Or, Obama could just show some outrage at the reporter, say "No more questions," throw two smoke bombs and boom - he's gone. Get back on the helicopter and get the hell out of there.

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