Pet peeves

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

130. Complaining about minor annoyances in a restaurant to get a free meal

129. Door-to-door petitioners

"Do you have a minute for Greenpeace?"

"Nope, but I have three hours for GameCube!"

128. People who walk away as they're asking you how you're doing

127. Excessively cautious driving

126. Indecipherable words that slip through spam filters

If I'm not smart enough to figure out the word, does that make me less intelligent than computer-generated spam?

125. Crappy remakes of classic movies

What's so scary about black and white? Or originality?

124. Taking up two parking spaces

123. Rules against riding your bike through drive-thrus

Real green, Taco Bell. Why don't you require late-night eaters to club baby seals, too?

122. Nextel walkie-talkie phones

Are you on a construction site? I didn't think so.

121. Babies in movie theaters

I didn't pay $9 to hear your kid cry

120. "To leave a voice mail message, press 1 or wait for the tone ... At the tone, please leave your message"

Is anybody actually confused by this concept?

119. TV sports commentary

We didn't have room to give individual Pet-Peeve entries to Skip Bayless, Steven A. Smith and the six-member Fox NFL analysis team. They deserve them.

118. Incorrect carryout food orders

117. Bathroom attendants

Oh, cool, a stick of Wrigley's gum! Wait, you want a dollar?

116. Groups who walk three-across down the sidewalk

These are the inconsiderate people Hannibal Lecter should eat

115. Twitter

LMAO. Bc its tot ptless 2 talk in 140 chars or lss

114. Men under the age of 65 who wink

Seriously, Fabio. Give it a rest.

113. Drivers who stop in the middle of the pedestrian crosswalk

112. Excessive cursing

You are not Richard Pryor

111. Girls who wear leggings and pretend they provide the coverage of pants

110. Talking during movies

109. Parking lot "attendants" in the Short North

If we have to deal with you at every lot in the neighborhood, we'd rather walk. Or stay home.

108. Violating personal space at an ATM

107. DVD extras that are only language selections

106. The phrase "I'm not gonna lie, but ..."

Why would you lie? More importantly, why am I listening to you?

105. People who still write checks at the store

104. People who wear sunglasses indoors

103. Jury duty

Welcome to the only government job that pays $3 an hour with no benefits

102. Girls who say "guy friend"

Yeah, we figured your friend Steve is a guy

101. Holding up the line in the grocery store to find your crumpled, outdated coupon

100. Drunks meandering across Park Street

That car is gonna hurt, no matter how loaded you are

99. Hair in the sink

98. Not picking up dog poop at the park

97. Turning in the opposite direction of your turn signal

96. Pop songs on answering machines

You're not a music producer. You're just some dude eating dinner.

95. Street preachers

94. Conspiracy theories

93. Celebrity baby names

Apple. Blanket. Bronx Mowgli. Jermajesty. There are others.

92. Throwing food wrappers out of your car

91. Inscrutable vanity plates

You paid all that extra money for a message no one can figure out

90. Restaurant kitchens that close before last call

89. Yelling "Free Bird" at concerts

88. Getting a cab in Columbus

Don't leave your "taxi" light on when you have passengers. It only gets our hopes up.

87. People who rewind plays on "Madden NFL"

Oh really, you pressed those buttons and that happened?

86. People who put on sneakers to walk from their office to the parking garage

85. Babies or animals talking through CGI

84. Getting a ticket for jaywalking

83. Gum smacking/popping/explosions

82. Using multiple exclamation marks to communicate awe, wonder and excitement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

81. Wobbly tables and stools

80. Ohio liquor laws

79. Wasting food

78. Drivers who tap their brakes every five seconds

Wait, do I turn here? Here? Is it here?

77. Chewing too loudly

76. Hummers

75. The Home Shopping Network

The average person in the United States has $5,729 in credit-card debt. It's now immoral to hock 60-piece grooming kits to those who don't leave their houses.

74. Honor-roll bumper stickers

73. Football parking restrictions

72. People who stop to chat in the grocery store, with their carts blocking the aisle

71. Giving your coat its own chair in the movie theater

70. Losing BCS games

69. Needless abbrv.

68. Higher parking ticket rates

67. CD packaging

You can squeeze 700 megabytes of info onto a one-ounce slab of plastic, but you can't make it easy to open?

66. People who drive faster than the already-speeding drivers in the fast lane and insist on pushing them down the highway

65. Automated voicemail systems that make you say what you want

64. White shoes/black socks

At what age do you stop caring?

63. The city-wide ban on U-turns

62. Misuse of their/they're/their

61. Direct-mail coupons

60. Signs that misuse apostrophes

No, its not one of the best deal's in town

59. Indoor football

After the Steelers, the dome is the worst invention in football history

58. Throwing bottles from moving vehicles

57. Emo hair

A man who uses a flatiron is not a man.

56. People who become golf experts only during the last week of May

55. Not holding the door for someone who clearly needs help with the door

54. Lost drivers in German Village

53. The return of acid-washed jeans

52. Heavy breathing

Especially in bookstores, libraries and public restrooms


50. North Fourth Street pedestrians

49. Staring at the menu in McDonald's, taking minutes to decide what to get

It's McDonald's. You knew what was on the menu before you could write your own name.

48. People who continue to tell you the same story when you've told them you've heard it before

47. Farting in thrift stores

46. Cell-phone music played while your party is reached

A loud, garbled version of the OSU fight song is not more entertaining than a normal ring

45. Canada geese

They breed in Ohio. They take s--- from no one.

44. Voice-mail menus

43. Crowding grocery check-out line before I've finished unloading my stuff

Please mind the plastic separator

42. People who incessantly use the word "like"

41. Backing into parking spots

If you can back into a parking space, you can back out of one

40. Bad tippers

39. Valets hogging metered parking spots in the Short North

38. Pre-flight safety instructions

This actually involves three separate Pet Peeves: snooty lectures, air travel, and polyester uniforms with unnecessary hats

37. Throwing cigarette butts on the ground

Yes, that is litter

36. 30-minute parking meters

35. People who ask to have some of what you're eating while they're in the process of taking it

34. Holding up a cell phone at concerts

33. Thinking of a really good pet peeve, then forgetting it before you write it down

32. BCS system

31. Faux-slang conflations like "bromance" and "guyliner"

30. People who tweet

29. Putting an empty container back in the fridge

28. Ennui before turning 50

27. Honking to announce your arrival

26. Plopping your feet on the arm rest in front of you in movie theaters

25. Excessive sighing

24. Steelers fans from Ohio

23. Unnecessary quotation "marks"

22. Getting a traffic ticket for running a red light on your bike

21. Anyone who wears lilac sunglasses and a cowboy hat at all times

We're looking at you, Bono

20. Forgetting to get your parking stub validated at the North Market

19. Steltzer Road and International Gateway intersection

The longest red light in America somehow lasts even longer when you're late for your plane

18. Telemarketing

17. People who can't figure out how to use self-checkout

16. Using the qualifier "in these tough economic times" before everything you say

15. Fair-weather fans

14. Name-dropping in Columbus


13. Experiencing life through a camera phone

12. Not using turn signals

11. Single people who hate Valentine's Day

Yeah, it's a little too commercialized. But it's not like Hallmark is sponsoring "Go Beat Up a Volunteer Day."

10. Michigan

9. No Downtown Trader Joe's

Hell, we'll settle for a Clintonville Trader Joe's

8. Tourists who stop German Village pedestrians to ask for directions to Schmidt's

Beware of a Mercury full of blue-hairs on Sunday

7. Hearing smack talk from SEC fans, and knowing they're right

6. Seat-back kickers

5. Man sandals

4. COTA's lack of late-night service

On Saturday, the No. 2. stops at 10 p.m. Your tax dollars at work.

3. Red Wings fans at Blue Jackets games

2. Happy hours that end at 7 p.m.

If we got off work earlier, we probably wouldn't need a happy hour

1. Short North parking