The Daily Show: White Men Can't Judge
Let's check in with our nation's capital, where last week Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor endured the three-day question-and-answer phase of her confirmation hearings - in Senate time, it's considered the Lightning Round.
Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham set the stakes: "Unless you have a complete meltdown, you're going to get confirmed," he predicted.
So there it was - a confirmation hearing in a nutshell. The Republicans would have three days to drive this woman from chica to chica loca, while the Democrats would strive to keep her chica suave.
Just take a look at some of the senators' divergent statements:
"You appear to be a different person almost in your speeches and some of the comments that you've made" -Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas
"If there's a test for judicial temperament, you pass it with an A++" -Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-California
"You have said some things that just bug the hell out of me. Don't become a speech writer if this law thing doesn't work out" -Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-South Carolina
Yes, Democrats and Republicans went back and forth for days. Sotomayor's chief tormenter turned out to be the man who called the tune in the first place, one Lindsey Graham.
"Lawyers anonymously rate judges in terms of temperament, and here's what they said about you," Graham said. "She's a terror on the bench ... she's temperamental, excitable, she seems angry ... overly aggressive ... she abuses lawyers ... she behaves in an out-of-control manner ... she makes inappropriate outbursts. Do you think you have a temperament problem?"
You know, if we're going to go the anonymous commenter route, I wonder what Graham himself would have to answer for in a judicial hearing.
Here's just a selection of actual comments about Graham on the internet from anonymous people: "Lindsey Graham is the ass of the year." "Lindsey Graham is a disgusting slimeball of the first order." "He's such a white Southern pig racist idiot douchebag."
And he's also actually featured on MenWhoLookLikeOldLesbians.blogspot.com.
Well, Sen. Graham, someone apparently believes you look like an old lesbian. Do you? And, may I remind you, you're under oath.
But that's just Graham. He believes the nominee has the burden to refute any and all hearsay rumors or allegations against them. Remember when he grilled President Bush's nominee Samuel Alito over his membership in an allegedly racist Princeton alumni group?
"Are you really a closet bigot?" Graham asked.
"I'm not any kind of a bigot," Alito replied.
"No sir, you're not. Judge Alito, I am sorry that you've had to go through this. I am sorry your family had to sit here and listen to this."
Now, if you'll excuse me, the Ass of the Year banquet is tonight and I've got to go home and lez it down before I go.
In the end, Sotomayor coasted through the hearings by proving she had a great respect for judicial precedent. The judicial precedent being that Supreme Court nominees should do their best during the hearing to say nothing at all.
Visit ComedyCentral.com for more on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, including videos, games and photo galleries.
"The Daily Show"
Monday through Thursday at 11 p.m. on Comedy Central