The Daily Show: Eff'dghanistan

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

Remember George W. Bush? How about the mess he left behind?

We're facing big challenges on how to fight the eight-year-old war in Afghanistan. Some say we need to send in some 40,000 more troops. By some, I mean the guy running the war.

Others say we should just turn around and shut our eyes. And yet others say we should build a time machine and go back and kill Afghanistan's mother, thus making Afghanistan never exist.

Whichever plan you favor, a decision can't be made until we know there's a legitimate government in place there. So we watched with great interest as the recent September elections were laced with scandal and fraud and demands for a runoff that presumed victor Hamid Karzai pooh-poohed.

"The Afghan people turned out and voted, and I can assure you that the vote was true and fair," Karzai said on Sept. 17.

The winner thinks the vote is true and fair - interesting. But just six weeks later, Karzai was demanding a runoff election be held. What changed his mind?

I'll give you a hint: America sent a certain charismatic, persuasive, silver-tongued Democratic leader over there. No, not President Obama, not Bill Clinton and not Al Gore. It was Sen. John Kerry.

Wait, slow-tongued Mr. McWindsurfington? That guy got Karzai to change his mind?

Turns out Kerry spent 20 hours straight with the Afghan leader - that must be the controversial practice known as water-boring.

You know what's funny, Kerry's recap of the 20-hour conversation actually took 22 hours.

So while Obama waited for the final election results, he weighed his many different options for this difficult decision on how to deal with Afghanistan. Or, to put it more negatively, let's hear from Dick Cheney.

"The White House must stop dithering while America's armed forces are in danger," the former vice president said on Oct. 21.

Yeah, who put them in danger again? Oh, that's right.

As Cheney says, you should never weigh your options. You know the old expression - shoot first and then check to see if it was one of your friends or a bird.

So, Cheney, let me get this straight: You're objecting to Obama's "dithering" because your administration was so proactive with its Afghan strategy?

"The president's chief of staff claimed that the Bush administration had not asked any tough questions about Afghanistan," said Cheney. "In the fall of 2008, fully aware of the need to meet new challenges being posed by the Taliban, we dug into every aspect of Afghanistan policy."

See, they did ask the tough questions about Afghanistan ... I'm sorry, when did you ask the tough questions again? In the fall of 2008?! But the war was seven years old by that time.

You cannot be complaining about Obama's dithering when you yourself are asserting-- no, bragging-- that your administration didn't review the Afghan strategy until you were packing to leave. Can you?

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