The Daily Show: Rogue guy, ailing economy

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

"I'm grateful for the many opportunities that CNN has given me over these years," Dobbs said. "I've tried to reciprocate with the full measure of my ability and my energy."

That's why it especially pains me that I am being replaced by a Mexican robot. Oh, sweet irony.

And then Dobbs was gone. Just like that.

Why? There's got to be a reason.

"Over the past six months, it's become increasingly clear that strong winds of change have begun buffeting this country and affecting all of us," said Dobbs.

Oh, no - Lou Dobbs is going Palin! He's going rogue!

The problems we're facing, he says, are too important for him to stay at his job. So, Lou, how will you better do your job by leaving your job?

"Some leaders in media, politics and business have been urging me to go beyond the role here at CNN and to engage in constructive problem-solving as well as to contribute positively to understanding the great issues of our day," said Dobbs.

So, in order to contribute positively to a better understanding of the issues of our day, you must leave your nightly television show devoted to understanding the issues of our day? I actually agree with you on that one.

Wait though, Lou, you aren't going to go changing, are you?

"I will continue to strive to deal honestly and straightforwardly with those issues in the future ... and to continue to do so in the most honest and direct language possible," said Dobbs.

Now, if you'll excuse me, me and my giant flag screen will be on our way.

By the way, you're off to a fantastic start, Dobbs. Nothing says honest and straightforward better than a surprise announcement that you're quitting for reasons you can't explain, to do something you can't discuss.

They say it's a historically bad job market out there right now. Unemployment's in the double digits - in fact, I believe those double digits are two middle fingers. That's why we're trying to help out. So besides an opening for a Lou Dobbs replacement, here's another opportunity.

Right now, the University of California at Santa Cruz is offering $68,000 for you to move to Santa Cruz and be their new Grateful Dead archivist. They're looking for someone who loves the Grateful Dead and, somehow, also has exceptional organizational skills.

Basically, UC Santa Cruz is saying, "I need a miracle."

By the way, if you love the Grateful Dead and you have a bachelor's degree in archives management and you think getting this job will be a slam dunk, think again.

The university requires that you have a master's degree in archives management. They're not even going to look at your resume if you have a bachelor's degree. That might fly at the Spin Doctors archive at UC Slacker, but this is the Grateful Dead.

There you have it. Four years of undergrad, two years of graduate school and now you can spend your days picking blotter acid out of Phil Lesh's underwear from the Blues for Allah tour.

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