The Daily Show: Apparent trap

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

You know, it's about time for an open, transparent, substantive conversation on one of the most pressing issues of our day. Or, to put it another way: "It's nothing more than a trap," said Rush Limbaugh.

Yes - it's an ingenious trap. Asking Republicans to publicly state their beliefs on health care so that the president may respond, on camera. What?!

I know you may think being asked to attend a conversation where you're given ample time to prepare isn't generally considered a trap ... which is why it's such a brilliant trap.

Minority leader John Boehner has got his eyes wide open. "I want to have this bipartisan conversation," he said. "But I don't want to walk in to some setup. I don't know who's going to be there. I don't know how big the room is going to be. I don't know what the setup's going to be."

I mean, will there be music? Will I be sitting at the single person's table? Can I get a kosher meal or should I eat beforehand? I don't know.

"I do expect to have some answers before we go down there and walk into who knows what," said Boehner.

Walk into who knows what?! It's a public dialogue about important legislation, not Little Bighorn. You're not hitting on Omaha Beach.

The only way this health care meeting is a trap is if Boehner's got nothing. Just like a paper bag is only a trap if you can't punch your way out of it.

Fallout boy

On the lighter side of the news, I'd like to wish Iran a happy anniversary! It's the 31st anniversary of their Islamic revolution.

In those 31 years, Iran has come a long way. Just two weeks ago they showed off some of their high-tech, 20th-century technology.

Here's what Fox News reported: "Iran is blasting into space, launching a 10-foot-long research rocket with a special payload - a mouse, two turtles and a can of worms. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called it a big event: 'The scientific arena is where we defeat the West's domination.' "

Defeat our domination? We had guys walking up there, like, 40 years ago! You launched a turtle, three worms and a mouse in a rocket. What, are you guys going up there to shoot a live "Wonder Pets" episode?

On Feb. 11, Ahmadinejad delivered another one of his menacing messages, saying that Iran "will deliver a harsh blow to the global arrogance."

Global arrogance? Just because the show "MythBusters" has a stronger space program than you doesn't make us arrogant. Oh, but we'd better watch out because you launched bait into space.

So, Mr. Iranian President, what's your announcement?

"Ahmadinejad is announcing that Iran is now 'a nuclear state,' that it has enriched uranium to 20 percent, a key step on the way to weapons-grade material," reported ABC News.

Ooohhh, 20 percent. I gave my kids 40 percent uranium for Christmas.

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