The Daily Show: (D) Moralized

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

With five weeks to go until the midterm elections, there's a lot of talk about an enthusiasm gap between Republicans and Democrats.

Basically, salivating Republicans are already camping out in front of the polls like they're waiting for the next Harry Potter book while Democrats sit at home watching tapes of Barack Obama's 2004 "Red States and Blue States" speech and weeping while picking Funyuns dust out of their belly buttons.

But that's all about to end, people, because the Democrats are ready to step into campaign mode and motivate the troops.

"Vice President Biden told a fundraiser of Democrats that they need to remind the base that they need to stop whining," reported ABC News.

Yes, that's Vice President Biden unveiling the new slogan from the White House, "Democrats 2010: Walk it off, you wimps."

All right, so that's just Biden from the gut addressing some Democratic complaints that rather than being transformative, this administration has merely layered a mix bag of reforms over a corroded foundation of "business as usual."

Barack Obama took a more cerebral approach to voter apathy caused by disappointment in his recent interview with Rolling Stone.

"It's inexcusable for any Democrat or progressive right now to stand on the sidelines in the midterm election. That people are sitting on their hands complaining is just irresponsible."

Obama's message: You're disappointed in me? Well, I'm doubly disappointed in you, quite frankly. In fact, the most disappointing thing about you is your disappointment in me.

Of course, the president can still connect and bring the magic on the campaign trail, as he proved last week at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, getting the kind of reception normally reserved for those who would like to, and I'm quoting here, "Beat Minnesota."

"I had some fun times here in Madison," said Obama in his speech to Wisconsin students. "I can't give you all the details, but I have good memories here."

It's kind of fuzzy, but I do remember this one night - me and my boy Billy Ayers were playing beer pong with the Tri-Delts and he goes , "W ouldn't it be funny if one of us, or both of us, subverted the Constitution from inside the American government?"

OK, so once the president proved he wasn't a narc, he took the opportunity to tell his critics he was just getting warmed up.

"I've only been here two years, guys," Obama said. "If you look at the checklist, we've already covered about 70 percent. So I figured I'd need to have something to do for the next couple of years."

Seventy percent?! All right, I think we've got to the check the list.

1. Make checklist, check

2. Work out, check

3. Get a dog, check

4. Meet Stevie Wonder, check

5. Win Nobel Peace Prize, check

6. Get iPad, check

7. Collect all 50 state quarters, check

8. Fix economy

9. End partisan divide

10. Quit smoking

I guess he's right - he's only got three more on the list. He can probably knock that out by January.

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