The worst way to support Japanese earthquake relief? See Charlie Sheen in Columbus

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

We've all watched with bemusement/morbid curiosity/horror at Charlie Sheen's spectacular flameout. That's fine when you're watching on Twitter or that ridiculous streaming thing he does. It's different when it's in person. And you're paying hard-earned cash for the privilege.

Sheen's live "My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option" tour is coming to the Palace Theater next month. Here's the description, verbatim:

"FOR MATURE AUDIENCES 18+ My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option Show is coming for you. I'm going on the road. LIVE. Will there be surprises? Will there be guests? Will there be mayhem? Will you ask questions? Will you laugh? Will you scream? Will you know the truth? WILL THERE BE MORE?!?! This IS where you will hear the REAL story from the Warlock. Bring it I dare you to keep up with me."

Yikes.

Tickets range in price from $57.45 to $92.20 including Ticketmaster fees, but you can rest easy knowing a whole dollar of each ticket goes to the Japanese Earthquake Relief Fund. What percentage goes to the Charlie Sheen Pornstar Relief Fund is unclear.

Sheen has bragged on Twitter that other shows have sold out in minutes. I'd like to think that C-bus is smarter than that. Besides, does anyone really think this tour doesn't have "CANCELLATION" stamped all over it?

In happier news, Jon Stewart is also coming to the Palace in April.

And, yes, I know we should just ignore Sheen and he'll go away.